I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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