He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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