We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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