so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
