Duck Duck Cougar?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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