I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
