remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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