they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
