I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
