Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
