She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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