Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
