That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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