Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
