I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
