i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
