I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
