I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
