i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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