i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
