You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
