Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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