I cannot find my penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
