She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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