if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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