i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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