I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
