A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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