my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
