Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
