You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
