Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had to cum in my sink.
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