Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
