Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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