you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
