i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
