I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
