Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
