VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Randomize
