every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
