Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
