there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
