Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
