Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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