operation harelip BJ is a go
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
