why didn't you poke me back
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
