dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
