Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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