I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I love you.
Bad choice
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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