I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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